Grief and Death During COVID-19

Grief is: a natural reaction to loss; all of the emotions/thoughts we feel when our attachments are threatened, harmed, severed; isolating and lonely; feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, regret, loneliness may be present. Mourning is the process of expressing our grief.

We’re in a shared state of grief due to the virus, and many of us are also experiencing anticipatory grief - grief of the unknown, of what is yet to come. See: Coronavirus and the six needs of mourning for a helpful article on common needs experienced during the mourning process. On top of the grief we’re experiencing due to the virus, people will lose loved ones during this time, and mourning rituals that involve in-person fellowship will likely not be possible until a later date. Not only has someone lost a loved one, they’ve lost the ability to use the in-person rituals/traditions that provide us comfort and are often a part of our grieving process. With this in mind, below are some resources on end of life planning, funerals, memorials, and ideas for ways to support those who lose loved ones during this time of physical isolation.

Consider: Guidelines from national organizations, state/local laws, visitor policies

Seek professional guidance: clergy & spiritual directors, mental health & counseling providers, funeral home directors, death doulas, hospice providers

Organizations:

World Health Organization (WHO) & Centers for Disease Control (CDC)

Iowa Department of Public Health (IDPH)

Episcopal Church Foundation & ECF Vital Practices websites: COVID-19 resources including resources/recommendations from the Episcopal Church; worship, prayer, community, and financial resources; webinars

National Funeral Directors Association: keep an eye on the Situation Update page

Remembering A Life: blog from the NFDA with resources related to planning in advance, understanding grief and mourning, funeral and service planning, support services, and COVID-19-specific resources

End of Life Planning & Last Rites:

Advance Directives:

• A Step by step guide to preparing advance directives booklet produced by the Drake University Center for Health Issues

• Iowa law provides 2 types of advance directives: a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, and a Living Will (can be combined into one form, found on pgs 15-17 of the Drake Univ. booklet linked to above)

• Article from ECF with information on Living Wills, Advance Directives, Senior Medical Planning, Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment, Action Steps

Anointing of the Sick:

• Dial A Priest: a number hospitals can call that will connect them to an Episcopal priest who can offer the “Ministration at the time of death” from the BCP (Link to ENS article)

• CT Episcopal priest administered Last Rites by phone/Facetime

• Catholic Diocese of Des Moines Q&A on sacraments & COVID-19

Funerals & Memorials:

Episcopalians in general are not new to the idea of cremation, with a memorial service and interment following at a later date, and this practice is ideally suited to our current situation. If this is not an option, consider recommendations from health organizations, state/local guidelines, diocesan guidelines, and the resources provided below.

Guidance from other diocese: NC, Atlanta,  postpone memorial services; no one should travel for memorial or private burials; graveside services maybe, with social distancing and other precautions, with the permission of the bishop

Private and Collective Mourning Practices (suited to physical distancing)

Individual/personal ways of mourning during this time:

• Meditation or visualization practices – can help address anger/anxiety that comes with death

• Journaling, altar-building, private rituals

• Post a notice of your loved one’s death (social media, newspaper, funeral home website), inviting others to share memories/photos

• Atlantic Article “In Grief, Try Personal Rituals”

Funerals during the pandemic:

Virtual Funerals: Tips from “Funerals & Dying in Absentia”

• “You can carry over many of the same elements from a traditional funeral into a virtual funeral too, such as memorial videos, music playlists (be careful of using licensed music on Facebook and YouTube), create a program with eulogies, prayers, or a chance for mourners to share their own memories.”

• “Bring in elements such as water (a bath, clean something significant, let rain wash over a significant item), fire (intentional candle lighting and extinguishing, smudging), earth (bury something significant), or air (focus on the breath), to the ritual.”

• Things to consider when holding a funeral via Zoom

Planning a funeral during the pandemic

Livestreaming services: Review/research the services to make sure you have the ability to keep videos private and unable to be downloaded; caution: videos may become the property of the streaming service.

Embalming & COVID-19: Consider recommendations and guidelines from the World Health Organization (WHO), the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), and state and/or local public health officials; you should defer to your state and/or local public health officials if their guidelines are more stringent than those of the CDC/WHO

Both the WHO and CDC recommend: bodies can be buried or cremated; there’s no evidence of people becoming infected from exposure to the bodies of people who died of COVID-19; families should avoid contact with the body of the decedent. But differ on embalming recommendations: